Othersideofmyhead.com

I took a seasonal job at a very well known large department store last week for some extra cash to hold me over through the holidays. That, and I’m bored out of my gourd and I WANT to work. I made it my goal last Monday to have a job by Friday, and I successfully applied, interviewed and was hired for a sales associate position prior to getting sick last Wednesday. It's a bit above minimum wage (which is more in San Francisco) plus commission, so I've got high earning potential. This week is orientation and training.

While in orientation this past Tuesday night, I was in complete disbelief after witnessing the poor manners, lack of common sense and overall dumbness that people actually flaunt these days. While it doesn’t take a rocket surgeon to work in retail, you’d think people would have a little more respect for themselves... and shut the hell up.

Anyway, I thought I would share with you some of the painfully dumb conversations I was forced to sit through. It’s going to be an interesting holiday season.

* Scene: HR rep is reading everyone’s name off a list. Her only requirement is that you raise your hand after your name has been called so she can acknowledge your presence.

HR Rep: “John Jones?”

Some guy: “I’m John Smith!”

HR Rep: “I said John Jones.”

Some guy: “No, that’s not me, that’s the other John. I’m John Smith!”

HR Rep: "How about you raise your hand when I call John Smith, OK?"

* Scene: HR rep is reviewing the Dress Code.

HR Rep: “… no flip flops, no athletic shoes…”

Random girl: “Wait, so are ‘Keds’ athletic shoes?”

HR Rep: “They’re made of canvas like Chuck Taylors, so yes, they are considered athletic shoes.”

Keds Girl: “So I can wear them then.”

HR Rep: “No athletic shoes!”

Keds Girl: “Wait, I’m confused...”

HR Rep: (ignores Keds girl and continues) “No rain boots, no hats…”

Keds Girl: (interrupts) “What about beanies?”

Other Girl: "NO RAIN BOOTS? What if it rains?"

John Smith: “Can we bring our cell phones onto the floor?”

HR Rep: “Yes, as I’ve already mentioned… you can bring anything onto the floor that will fit into a 6" x 6" space.”

JS: “So it’s OK to use my cell phone while I’m working?”

HR Rep: “No, you may not use your cell phone while you are working.”

JS: “But what if there are no customers around?”

HR Rep: “If you need to make a call… then request to go on your 10 minute break.”

Keds girl: “Can I wear my blue tooth ear piece?”

* Scene: HR Rep is discussing a San Francisco Visitor discount program…

Keds girl: (interrupts) “So when do I find out if I will be allowed back to work after the holidays?”

[Totally irrelevant question.]

HR Rep: (a little taken off guard): “Well, you need to demonstrate exceptional service and your manager will let you know if they would like to hire you permanently.” Continues back on the original topic.

Keds Girl: “But when that be?”

* Scene: In closing, the HR Rep summarizes all that is learned, congrats us on our opportunity, and tells us to give great customer service by greeting customers and smiling.

Keds Girl: “But what if you ain’t got no teeth?”